Sugar Junkie Confessions

One cupcake was all it took...

One cupcake was all it took…

It all started with a cupcake at a wedding. I had reached my weight goal on April 1 and I decided to celebrate a little with something sweet. Just one wedding cupcake, I told myself. What could be more innocent than that?

The cupcake sparked an uncontrollable urge to splurge and I wound up sampling everything I’d given up over the past months. Chocolate, candy, cake… I found plenty of excuses to indulge. I didn’t have a problem with sugar, I told myself. I could quit anytime I wanted to. The weight was staying off thanks to all my running.

There were signs that I had a problem. The time that I ate half a box of Skinny Cow chocolate bars and then hid the package in my scooter trunk was one. It was a lot of chocolate bars to eat in one sitting, I realized, but they were called Skinny Cow. They couldn’t be bad. I didn’t even think about why I hid the package from my family.

Hiding in a Las Vegas staircase, getting my sugar fix.

It wasn’t until I found myself hiding in a dirty staircase in Las Vegas, scarfing down a marshmallow soaked rice crispy square filled with cocoa cream that I realized I might have an issue with sugar. I was in the staircase because, to be honest, I wanted to keep the treat all to myself.

I thought back to the energetic, focused person I had been April 1. She ran up to six miles a day, worked, published her own newspaper, found time to write and blog… I had changed.

Now I was tired, cranky and my foot joints hurt. I had less focus and drive. I had been suffering from melancholy, perhaps even light depression. I haven’t been able to sleep. Nothing had changed in my life but the sugar.

It’s time for me to face myself and admit that I am a sugar junkie. I love the stuff. Me having a little sugar is like a recovering heroin addict having a little heroin to celebrate sobriety.

Today I resisted the sugar (except one, tiny chocolate candy) and I already feel much better. I’ve lost the jittery tense feeling. I felt cheerful and energetic for the first time today in several weeks. My feet bones feel better.

I compare sugar to heroin, and I’m not too far off. Studies are finding that sugar is not only a poison but that it is more addictive than cocaine and heroine. There is a great article on the subject written on the Food Coach blog.

For now, I need to take it day by day and lay off the sugar, natural and artificial. I need to give up the processed grains that turn into sugar in my system. I did this once, and I can get it out of my system again.

Previous posts from my weight loss journey…

About Angela Yuriko Smith

Angela Yuriko Smith is an American poet, publisher and author. Her first collection of poetry, In Favor of Pain, was nominated for an 2017 Elgin Award. Her latest novella, Bitter Suites, is a 2018 Bram Stoker Awards® Finalist. Currently, she publishes Space and Time magazine, a 53 year old publication dedicated to fantasy, horror and science fiction. For more information visit SpaceandTimeMagazine.com or AngelaYSmith.com.
This entry was posted in Working out, Writing Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *