How to Take Care of Your Writer

It’s very rude to interrupt a working writer. How sad the world would be if J.K. Rowling had decided dirty laundry was more important than Harry Potter. What if Mrs. Tolkien had henpecked J.R. into mowing the lawn instead staring out the window, dreaming of hobbits?

Protect the writers you know, and preserve literature, by learning to discern what stage your writer is in and treat them accordingly. Here are some questions from concerned readers regarding their own writer’s behavior.

Dear Angela,
I’m trying to watch television but my writer keeps looking at me and smiling while typing away on his laptop like mad. It’s making me nervous. Should I be worried?
                                                                                                       Worried

Dear Worried,
Don’t worry about it. If your writer seems friendly, relax and enjoy. They are probably writing poems about how wonderful you are. This is the greatest gift a writer can give—preserving you on paper.
                                                                                                            Sincerely, Angela

Dear Angela,
As soon as my writer finished his coffee today, he started staring at the spoon in his cereal and hasn’t moved since. He hasn’t taken a bite in three hours and his breakfast has gone soggy. Is he okay?
                                                                                                      Coffee Alone

Dear Coffee Alone,
Don’t worry, your writer is just writing. They have to think big thoughts to have something worth putting on paper. My suggestion is make him eat his cereal before he drinks his coffee in the morning. As soon as the caffeine hits his brain, he’s liable to lapse off into thinking again and you might lose him for another day.
                                                                                                           Sincerely, Angela

Dear Angela,
I’m trying to watch television but my writer keeps looking at me and smiling while typing away on his laptop like mad. It’s making me nervous. Should I be worried?
                                                                                                       Nervous at Night

Dear Nervous at Night,
Don’t worry, your writer is just writing. Your writer’s behavior may seem strange, but she is most likely just killing you in a story. Think back to your actions of the day and see if there is anything you may have done to upset your writer. If so, make amends immediately. As soon as they publish, you will be stuck as a dead character until a rewrite, if they agree. Sometimes you can pacify your writer with small treats such as beer, chocolate and sushi.
                                                                                                            Sincerely, Angela