This poem is from Hallucinated Jungle, one of my current works in progress. The title is a nod to Paulicéia Desvairada (Hallucinated City) by Brazilian poet Mário de Andrade. The poem itself is a concrete hallucinism, a fusion of shape poetry and the modernism style Andrade pioneered. “Alleged Confession” reflects a private struggle I’ve been dealing with over the past year or so: the potential diagnosis of high functioning autism.
I haven’t taken the final step to be officially diagnosed yet. I don’t know if I will. I tell myself it doesn’t matter, it explains so much, no one will treat me different… but for now I can only write a poem about it.
It’s the best way I can deal with it today. This poem is titled:
2 thoughts on “WIP: “<strong>Alleged Confession</strong>” from Hallucinated Jungle”
Interesting! I wonder how you found out this possibility.
The first time it came up was really about 10 years ago. I was teaching a class and someone that had lived with it in their family asked me if I had Aspbergers. I didn’t know what it was so I had to do some reading. At the time I thought it was possible, it explained a lot, and I could see it in other members of my family even more… but it it didn’t matter to me. What does an actual diagnosis change? Nothing, in my opinion. Flash forward to now: I have a grandchild that is really struggling and they remind me so much of what I went through (and put my mom through) as a child. I suggested perhaps they were high functioning austistic and now it’s become a case of why should they get diagnosed if I won’t. Learning about it explains a lot to me about me, but it doesn’t change much. I’m past needing explanations for why I’m like I am and I’ve just figured out how to work with it, but for those among my children and grandchildren that are struggling with it… someone has to take the first step.