Day 17 of my NANOWRIMO novel and things look bleak.
In over half a month I’ve added a mere 6,447 words. To finish on time now I have to write 3,111 words a night. At the rate I’m going now, my projected finish date is estimated to be March 2012. I think that’s probably too optimistic.
Lately I barely have time to breathe, let alone write a novel. It’s been a non stop parade of busyness; a regular carousel of crazy. I can’t write a paragraph lately without the phone ringing or it being time to rush off somewhere. A few days into this I mentioned it in a post somewhere, and someone gave me advice on how to combat writer’s block. Unfortunately, my writer’s block is external.
Inside I know what I need to write, and the words are just festering now and making my nerves feel raw. My temper is starting to flare up for insignificant things that I normally wouldn’t notice. My smile is starting to feel like a brittle mask plastered across my face, ready to crack. Someone told me the other day I seemed tense and maybe I needed a spa day. I just laughed.
The truth is, a spa day would only stress me out more at this point. I don’t want a relaxing day soaking in mud or having herbal puree smeared on my skin. I want a long day of work, hunched over my laptop and tapping away madly. I desire the kind of day where at the end of it you sit up, blinking wearily and rubbing your aching neck but satisfied that your work was well done. I want to write until I can’t see anymore, until I’m collapsed on the keyboard with the imprint of keys pressed into my forehead. I need a writing binge.
And somehow the magic of transferring my thoughts to my computer have once again worked their balm. The very act of writing this post is a salve to my raw nerves. Where at the beginning of this post I was hopeless and ready to give up on all goals, the very act of expression has released the pressure and allowed me to breathe again.
Things are not hopeless. I just need to write 3,111 words a night to finish my goal. That is doable; I write that everyday just in email. I need to catch my breath and refocus. There’s a lot going on in my life right now, and words are my life preserver in the chaos. I just have to remember to keep them close and make them a priority. It’s the writing that anchors me during life’s mad storms, keeping me from smashing to bits on the rocky shore.
I set myself a goal to write 50,000 words in November, and even tho life has blocked me every step of the way, I am determined to finish this. I refuse to be blocked. Please excuse me while I go pour out 3,000 words plus of my soul into a Word document. It’s important.
Sticks & stones
may break my bones
but words will always save me.
I hope you meet your goals. Unfortunately life sometimes has a sly habit of getting in the way. Best of luck Angela.
OMG! I’m right there with you! I REALLY hope you get to have that day, I’m praying mine happens on Sunday – that is when my husband can handle the kids and I can go hole up at a Starbucks from opening to closing. Life gets busy, and for those of us with a story to tell; sometimes it feels like our reality is getting in the way of our words. It’s just so sad! 😉
Now I don’t feel so guilty about not coming up to visit, or even getting your new phone number…
I wish you luck. At least you are writing!