Day 17 of my NANOWRIMO novel and things look bleak.

In over half a month I’ve added a mere 6,447 words.  To finish on time now I have to write 3,111 words a night.  At the rate I’m going now, my projected finish date is estimated to be March 2012.  I think that’s probably too optimistic.

Lately I barely have time to breathe, let alone write a novel.  It’s been a non stop parade of busyness; a regular carousel of crazy.  I can’t write a paragraph lately without the phone ringing or it being time to rush off somewhere.  A few days into this I mentioned it in a post somewhere, and someone gave me advice on how to combat writer’s block.  Unfortunately, my writer’s block is external.

Inside I know what I need to write, and the words are just festering now and making my nerves feel raw.  My temper is starting to flare up for insignificant things that I normally wouldn’t notice.  My smile is starting to feel like a brittle mask plastered across my face, ready to crack.  Someone told me the other day I seemed tense and maybe I needed a spa day.  I just laughed.

The truth is, a spa day would only stress me out more at this point.  I don’t want a relaxing day soaking in mud or having herbal puree smeared on my skin.  I want a long day of work, hunched over my laptop and tapping away madly.  I desire the kind of day where at the end of it you sit up, blinking wearily and rubbing your aching neck but satisfied that your work was well done.  I want to write until I can’t see anymore, until I’m collapsed on the keyboard with the imprint of keys pressed into my forehead.  I need a writing binge.

And somehow the magic of transferring my thoughts to my computer have once again worked their balm.  The very act of writing this post is a salve to my raw nerves.  Where at the beginning of this post I was hopeless and ready to give up on all goals, the very act of expression has released the pressure and allowed me to breathe again.

Things are not hopeless.  I just need to write 3,111 words a night to finish my goal.  That is doable; I write that everyday just in email.  I need to catch my breath and refocus.  There’s a lot going on in my life right now, and words are my life preserver in the chaos.  I just have to remember to keep them close and make them a priority.  It’s the writing that anchors me during life’s mad storms, keeping me from smashing to bits on the rocky shore.

I set myself a goal to write 50,000 words in November, and even tho life has blocked me every step of the way, I am determined to finish this.  I refuse to be blocked.  Please excuse me while I go pour out 3,000 words plus of my soul into a Word document.  It’s important.

Sticks & stones

may break my bones

but words will always save me.

 

 

By Angela Yuriko Smith

Angela Yuriko Smith is a third-generation Ryukyuan-American, award-winning poet, author, and publisher with 20+ years in newspapers. Publisher of Space & Time magazine (est. 1966), two-time Bram Stoker Awards® Winner, and HWA Mentor of the Year, she shares Authortunities, a free weekly calendar of author opportunities at authortunities.substack.com.

4 thoughts on “My NaNo-Geddon Moment”
  1. OMG! I’m right there with you! I REALLY hope you get to have that day, I’m praying mine happens on Sunday – that is when my husband can handle the kids and I can go hole up at a Starbucks from opening to closing. Life gets busy, and for those of us with a story to tell; sometimes it feels like our reality is getting in the way of our words. It’s just so sad! 😉

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